How often do you think to yourself or say out loud to others that you “have to” do something?
Do you feel burdened by your tasks because you “have to” do them?
I know I have thought this way before.
But guess what? We don’t actually “have to” do anything.
Everything that we do is a choice, and we are choosing to do it because we’d rather do it than experience the consequence of not doing it.
So, even though there are consequences, everything is still our choice. We get to decide what we want to do.
Do you “have to” go to work to pay the bills? Actually no, but you are choosing to do it because you enjoy living in a home with electricity and heat. You prefer to have a smart phone, so you choose to pay that bill.
You choose to work on your side business because you believe in your product or service and its value to the world.
When you start thinking about everything in your life that you “have to” do as a choice, it’s starts to bring more peace, clarity and gratitude to your day and life.
What are some things you think you “have to” do that you can now see are actually your choice? How does it feel to remember you are in complete control?
Annoyance, discomfort, angst. I’m amazed at how quickly these emotions can creep up in my day-to-day.
All emotions are simply vibrations in our physical bodies, which are caused by our thoughts.
Often, we notice the emotion but haven’t tuned into what we are thinking, so we believe the emotion is an automatic response outside of our control.
We attribute our emotion to what’s going on around us.
I ended up spending more time than I would have liked on something today. I blamed the thing for making me feel annoyed.
But it was actually the thought that “I spent more time on this than I should have” that is causing the annoyed feeling.
I could have spent the same amount of time and had a different thought like “It’s ok, I wanted to make sure this got done,” which would have provided a feeling of assuredness instead of annoyance.
So, knowing that my thoughts create my feelings, I used to think this meant I should always be changing my thoughts to positive ones, so that I could feel good.
But the contrast of emotions is human and necessary.
It’s taken me a while to really get this, but it’s ok to have negative emotions and positive emotions.
Being aware of them and managing them is the key to fully living.
Once we are able to accept the contrast, then we don’t have to always be trying to avoid or distract from our emotions.
When you notice yourself feeling annoyance or discomfort, notice the way you’re thinking about the situation and recognize that it is your perspective that is causing the feeling.
Then, you can choose to keep it or change it, and either is ok.
Managing our time takes courage.
Courage to decide what we want and what we don’t want.
Courage to say yes to doing what we want.
Courage to say no to what we don’t want.
It’s easier to be confused and let life happen.
It’s easier to be overwhelmed with all the choices.
It’s easier to be unconscious and numb and distracted.
Until we notice one day that we’re living a life we didn’t choose deliberately, that we don’t want.
It’s never too late to begin choosing courage.
It’s never too late to decide what you want and go for it.
It won’t be easy, but it will totally be worth it.
You can do this.
You can do this on your own, or you can do this with the help of a coach.
To test out what working with a coach would be like, you schedule a free mini-coaching session with me on the phone by clicking here.
What does it feel like to rise up to a challenge and why do it?
For me, going after a challenge feels exciting and also scary.
This is because there are two areas of our brain that are at work. Our primitive brain is always wanting to keep us safe. So, anything new will cause it to react with fear.
Our evolved brain, however, is striving to continue to evolve, which it does by learning new things and taking on new challenges. This part of the brain causes excitement for these new endeavors.
Knowing that we have these two sides of the brain at work within us can help us understand why we can have both fear and excitement. Then, we can choose which brain to listen to and which actions we want to take based on which feeling.
What challenges have you been reluctant to accept based on fear? How can you use the knowledge of the dialing brains to help move you forward?
I’m watching the World Series tonight (Go Dodgers!), and I’m reminded of both a podcast episode and a book I read – big surprise? lol
The podcast episode was an interview with a pro ping-pong player. He talked about when playing in a ping-pong game, you have to concentrate on the current and next play at hand only. The second you start to think about “Will I win?” the game is over for you. This is because in that second, when you’ve left the concentration of the current play, you create hesitation in your play that causes errors.
From the book, Essentialism, I read a really cool story about a rugby team that was dominating their season. They talked about their winning strategy: the WIN acronym = “What’s important now?
To this team, the WIN acronym means that you must focus only on the present moment while playing the game in order win. The second you start to think about the past (past plays), the future (future plays), or the other people playing the game not pertinent to your position, you compromise your focus, ability and win.
You must be completely zoned in on the present moment when performing in these high-stakes games in order to be a winner.
How does this apply to us in every day life?
Spend time planning out your work time and your schedule. Then, when it’s time to execute, treat it like the game – time to concentrate on what’s at hand.
Eliminate distractions. Don’t let your mind wonder – it is imperative for the win = getting accomplished what you’ve set out to do.
This week, I’m working with some of my clients on the process, Clarity Through Contrast, from the book, Law of Attraction by Michael Losier.
I learned this process from my coach training at Quantum Success Coaching Academy (QSCA).
The process helps us to identify our desires and desired results (goals, dreams, etc), and create the right mental framework for achieving them.
In reference to the Law of Attraction, whatever we’re focused on is what we’re experiencing in life.
In other words, you find what you’re looking for.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Just depends on how you’re looking at it. And this will be what you experience, and this will be what’s true for you. Your reality.
Do you look for the good in people? Or, are you on the look out for other’s flaws?
You will find what you look for.
Do you celebrate your accomplishments each day, and therefore continue to build momentum toward more and more accomplishment?
Or, do you see the list of tasks that weren’t accomplished and focus on the lack of accomplishment, therefore continuing the cycle of feeling behind each day?
If you want to reframe your focus to look for the positive, and therefore receive more positivity each day, the Clarity Though Contrast process can help.
First, pick an area of life you want to reframe.
List all the things you currently don’t like, don’t want, and are upset about. It’s good to identify these things, which will reveal the contrast.
Once the contrast items are listed, for each item, you then ask yourself the question, “So what do I want?”
Write down what you do want instead.
Let’s say the topic you chose is your work. You’ve identified that you feel too busy and overwhelmed and you’re ready to change this.
You wrote in the contrast list that you don’t like working late every day, feeling behind, and continual interruptions from distractions, notifications and people.
You then ask yourself, “So what do I want?”
In the Clarity list, you answer the question for each of the items you had listed on the Contrast list.
I like ending work on time and spending time with my family in the evening. I like feeling like I am in control of my schedule and task list and being on time. I want to be focused and create distraction-free time-blocks.
When you create your Clarity List, notice how your attentions shifts from the negative to the positive. As you focus on what you do want, you’re setting yourself up to create and receive more of this.
Are you experiencing contrast in an area of your life? What do you want instead?
Would you like some coaching on this? Schedule a free mini-coaching phone session with me, and I’ll help you to refocus your mindset from contrast to clarity.